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Enough is Enough

Last week I gave a quick update as to what’s going on, and why I’ve been neglecting my journey of writing. The two classes I’m taking this semester should allow me time to publish a little more. This time has allowed me to be more involved in my families lives. I’m reminded of times where we would have to fight for that time. In most fights( I’ve been in a few) someone is going to be on the receiving end of that punishment, begging for them to stop the aggressive attack. Some of you have never been in a fist fight, but have still had your own battles. For some of you it might be a struggle against not using a credit card today. The fight is real. Debating with yourself, reinforcing your story to yourself. How’s about people who are in a daily fight with porn? You say ” today I wont look at those videos!) Yet you know it wont last the whole day. You might not be getting physically beat down, however; we can still feel the effects of our fight. Feeling like a boxer that’s getting hit in the face with bright red gloves, coming from our opponents hands that’s heavy as stones. Taking body shots that leave us feeling bruised and hurt. We know the consequences of standing toe to toe with our adversary, yet we still go at it.
I feel this coming from my own addictions and have let my alcoholism at one time in my life beat me down. I would wake up and say, “I’m not drinking today!” Or Id wake up in jail, with three white papers slid under the cell door, telling me what my new charges were. Better yet, my wife having to ask me where my car was and how come I got home so late. All these battles we know we have to step to. It seems sometimes easier to take the loss right away, knowing that it’s a lost cause. When is enough? Enough. I did those same losing tactics year after year.
As I mentioned in my previous post, that I was struggling with wanting to drink. Contemplating throwing away almost nine years of sobriety. Everybody thinks I have it whipped, but still don’t know the fight I put in. The example of jail, failed relationships and prison was my enough. I now have a friend fighting that same battle. I believe he has had his enough. He invited me to an A.A. meeting last week and I humbly accepted. Mind you it has been seven years since I entered through those doors. The meeting is for another topic, however: I was reminded of those same battles that I use to lose at.
My homie is not alone on this epic battle, or duel for his life. He’s has had his enough and is being more brave than before by facing this gigantic monster! Instead of giving in to it. Well, I’m here to help him, as my wife helped me when I had enough. It makes it so much easier to face with help. Do you know someone who has had their enough? Have you gone through those same fights? Would you have liked to have had help? Can you be someone’s help in their fight? One that does have your back is God! Pray to God that you can be someone’s help in their time of need. Don’t throw in the towel yet for yourself either, stand and fight for your life, because at one time or another, we have all said enough is enough.

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2015 in community

 

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No Resolutions

Now that the holidays are over, with all the crinkled wrapping paper gathered and thrown into the trash, and the party’s of the new year over, we can start to have some sanity again from the extra-curricular activities of the holidays. However nice it is to see family and friends through that time, it is nice to get back to the normal routine of our daily lives. For many people it’s still pretty hectic even afterwards.
I just wanted to update you who truly take the five minutes to read my posts as it takes me much longer than that to get it to here. I know many people who have made resolutions for this year. In years past, I’ve done the same thing. Last year I tried to focus on a few profound words for the year, and like so many times before, I can only remember one of those four or five words. So, this year I’m staying with a phrase my awesome pastor said at church last week. This phrase has stuck with me and I’ve been saying it enough that I’m almost starting to believe it now. It’s this, “I’m doing a great work and I can not come down!”
Many that read my blog know I haven’t posted in a couple of months because I’ve been attending our Community college where I reside and have actually been studying, reading and taking tests again. My first semester back I received an A and B. So, for the second semester I’m taking a couple more classes and will probably be just as inconsistent on my posts. However; I wanted to share my progress as I’m humbled by the amount of support I continue to receive. This is my fourth attempt at this college in the last twenty years, yet I know that its God that has me there. He has taken care of all the financials, and told my wife and me he would. Knowing that, I have to believe that phrase!
I also share with you all about my personal experiences with alcoholism. Many people don’t know that during the same holiday festivities I mentioned earlier, it is a hard time for me and wanting to drink. Not for the stress of the holiday, or because I was upset, but just for the same reason of seeing family and friends. Once again God has shown himself by directing a young person that’s struggling with their own alcoholism. I praise God for that, because of that I can’t drink because someone else is seeking me out for help. I’m so humbled by this experience that I have to know that now, that the work I’m doing is a great work by not drinking, so I can not come down!
That’s just a short rundown of a few things going on. I share this because I know for a fact that if Gods having me do great work, he can have you do great works as well. And to those that already know you are doing great works, you can’t come down either! It might be in your job, your marriage, relationships, mentoring or church, whatever it is, do it with humility. What is your great work?

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2015 in community

 

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A Tribute to Norma Nickelson and Sandy Tusen

This is the time of year that starts to bring a stir about people in our community. With fall being here and the weather turning a little cooler, people gear up and get ready for football season. The days are still to warm for hoodies, however; you better not leave without one in the evenings. The change in season also shares with us massive green John Deere’s commandeering the roadways, ready to harvest the bountiful acres of tall brown corn stalks. The colorful robust leaves that use to dangle from the large Ohio trees, are changing colors and falling from their branches. It seems we all know that there’s more change coming up ahead.
For the families of Norma and Sandy, there is going to be change for them as they deal with the loss of both these women. Norma was my neighbors sister who basically lived there as she helped take turns taking care of their elderly mother. I wasn’t real close to her, yet knew how much she loved Jesus, her family and even my children. She had a great heart, a heart that helped people in the community by working at WSOS here in Fremont. She volunteered for all the bake sales at her church and was even the children’s departments minister. She will be missed!
Sandy was one of my best friends moms. She use to not like me so much back in the days as we say. Her son and I use to get real drunk and make bad decisions. So of course she didn’t want me around influencing him. However, over the years of my sobriety, Sandy took to encouraging me and uplifting me. Before she passed, I would see her more often than my buddy. Much like Norma, Sandy had a helping heart as well. She worked for hospice for many years and would help anyone of us if we needed it. She travelled the world with her husband and loved all her family as well.
With both these wonderful ladies being my senior, I didn’t know them real well. I did know them well enough that they knew my checkered past and didn’t care. With genuine compassion to see me do better, they would encourage me and even share with me some of their own failures to help relate. What I seen was two women that loved their families and went above that and gave back in the community. These two women can challenge us, to rise up to the expectations that they had. They lived lives that my pastor preaches the we’re to help others. There’s no greater feeling than that. Norma and Sandy set the standard for how we would want to live our lives. How much easier can it be when we know that’s what Jesus wants for us to do? Can we step outside our comfort zones and maybe contribute a little more? I will forever have these women in my heart, motivating and pushing me to do the things I’m already suppose to be doing. I will look at them as examples and models of hopefully a legacy as proactive as theirs was, that maybe I can leave behind one that mimics these new angels.

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2014 in community

 

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Change of Plans

I was thinking of a time when I was taking my son out for a kayaking adventure. Kind of feeling rushed from a previous fishing expedition falling through earlier in the day, we gathered all our gear. My son is so eager to learn the process of checking all our equipment, so as to be ready. We grabbed our kayak, pump, seats, air valves, wet-dry bags, patches, registration, and we were off. I thought we’d try a new launch spot out of a creek. This creek leads down a windy path to an opening into the Sandusky bay. Now that plans had changed from the fishing trip, the new plans were taking shape. As we started to unload our gear, I suddenly thought to myself, no way! I’m looking frantically as maybe I’m overlooking an important piece of this trip. Nope, I cant believe this, we forgot the paddles! As you can imagine, my patience by this time has expired. First the plan was to go fishing on Lake Erie, and that fell through. So as not to waste a day, I altered the plan to go kayaking and I forgot the paddles, now what? I was determined, so we drove twenty minutes back into town and grabbed those paddles and went back to enjoy some of the best quality time with my son to date.
This also reminds me of how our plans, are not our own plans. For many years I’ve always said I’m not going back to school, because I don’t want to borrow anymore money. School loans, who needs them? Now that I have my wife’s paid off, I don’t have any school loans and don’t want anymore. In the last year I have felt the holy spirit moving me to go back to school. My schedule is conducive to make the time where it doesn’t interfere too much with my family time and work. I’ve prayed on it, and have had to use my faith in God that the finances will work out. Having to listen to my spirit, I took all the necessary steps to enroll back in school. I decided to pay cash for this first semester and am willing to take out more loans if need be. I feel the lord told me not to worry about it, that it would be taken care of. I had to believe that, even if it was with a repayment plan. That part has been very difficult, standing in faith, having to believe that its going to be taken care of.
Well, praise God, because I found out this week that I qualified for a federal Pell grant. That’s like free money for school. I’m humbled by it, because that only means I’m poor enough for it. But yet again, God has shown himself by doing what he said he would if I believed. Many times we have our own plans, yet God has his for us. Like the canceled fishing trip, the delayed kayaking trip and I’m never going back to school, God has shown my wife and me the evidence of a living God and a spirit that can push us when we need it. No matter what your plan is, you must have faith, and make sure you leave room for alterations as you might be needed somewhere else, to do great things there.

 
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Posted by on October 17, 2014 in community

 

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Just Another Stupid Anniversary

As I sat down to actually write for the first time in a month, I had no idea on what to write about. Many times while blogging, we get stuck with writer’s block. Without always wanting to sound redundant. So, come to find out, today is my two-year anniversary on WordPress to the day. I received a little gold trophy in a message stating today is my anniversary. It doesn’t seem like it at all. I’ve always put Reflections, life thru a Periscope out for stress relief as therapy. While being an outlet for me, my children have always been my inspiration. Now that their getting older, they are starting to be more inquisitive about what daddy is writing about. I’m very proud that they want to see what I’m talking about. I’m also very proud that in two years I have 95 followers and many that encourage me to keep adding to my blog. That doesn’t mean a lot to many, except to me it does from a personal aspect that I never thought that I’d grow up to write a blog. I’m sure a few former high school alum would think, boy thats funny. Another personal best for me would be 84 different views for a post called Let Me Talk About the Police from June 2014..two yr
Just like I didn’t realize how fast two years has went by with writing, being married to my hotass wife of thirteen years has flown by as well. People ask us how we do it, and I can only reply with an old A.A saying,” One day at a time.” And its the same thing with writing a blog for two years. Many times like my marriage and writing, I may have plans of how its going to go, and then boom! schedules change, computer wont log on, the children are hungry, or school work is more important and makes things chaotic. Sometimes, debating with myself about putting one, if not both on a back-burner, to slowly burn up, being no good to anyone.
For us that doesn’t work! Many times I want to give up on my blog, yet I never want to give up on my marriage. September 29th 2014 was our anniversary and love knowing that I can spend it with her through many more years. Our faith in God and desire to want to help a community side by side for the glorification of Jesus is what keeps us together. Another piece of advice from when people ask us how we do it, that is never heeded by the way. Is counseling. Anybody that knows me knows that I have maybe been to a counselor a time or a hundred. Voluntary, involuntary or even maybe court ordered. And every time they have helped me. Is that such a bad thing? To work on ourselves for the betterment? I don’t think so. So, in the meantime, I will continue to write at least once a month compared to last years once a week. Mostly because I’m back in school again, blah, blah. Slowly working on another year here at WordPress. More importantly, I will humbly before God, continue to strive for that gift of growing old with my wife. Continuing to get lives trophies. I’m truly blessed and want to say thank you to everybody that reads my posts. I’m once again humbled by supporters and those that have faith in me, even when I don’t have it in myself.13 yr cake

 
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Posted by on October 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

I’m About To Have A Nervous Breakdown!

I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown!.

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

I’m About To Have A Nervous Breakdown!

I’m About To Have A Nervous Breakdown!

It’s been two months since I’ve entered a new post. The summer always seems to get the best of me. Not that I haven’t wanted to post, or thought in detail, thoughts that have slipped my memory, mostly my fault for being so involved with so many family functions. As an update, I have started attending Terra State College this semester. Meaning, daily activities have multiplied and free time has dwindled down to zero. Anybody that knows me, knows I like to try to have some order in my life and my wife says a little O.C.D as well. It’s only school! While, for many, this is what they’ve already accomplished themselves, they know that I can adjust to it and always encourage me. My confidence however, is not what my encouragers think. I’ve never been real good at school. And while a lot of things come naturally to me, school in not one of them, so I’m scared. Higher education is something I have to put effort into, and if I don’t succeed, I going to feel that I’m just plain stupid. Enduring, the process of dealing with new acclamations to school, I’m still dealing with financial aid, needing additional forms to complete my process. Meaning I’m paying cash for school right now. Hang with me here, I’m not saying all this so, you think that I want you to feel bad for me or think I’m complaining.
While learning to adjust to the new schedules and lifestyle changes, let me give you an example of how I’m feeling. I’m thinking that a lot of us feel like this from time to time. I feel like I’m in a dream, driving with my hot wife and loud children in our maroon Buick minivan to know where. Giggling, and laughing and singing to stupid olden days music as my children call it, everything seeming to be going great. Much like how I feel my life has been going since getting out of prison seven and half years ago. But along the road, new obstacles always seem to appear. With the day turning to-night, and the clear skies filling in with rain clouds. With the lights turned on and wipers full blast trying to swipe the rain off from the left to right, I still can’t see. The road is slippery and the van feels like I’m going to drive off the side of the road. It’s so hard to handle and control even with both hands on the wheel. I’m in charge, yet I can’t seem to slow down, the kids are scared as my wife is praying that I can stay in control. Man, there’s a big curve in the road ahead and I can’t see when to turn, it’s so dark and I don’t know what to expect up ahead, and boom! I wake up.
That’s how my life feels right now. I feel outta control. I’m having a hard time managing my time, money, school, work, sleep, family, and even my marriage relationship. Some people are actually happy to see me struggling. It’s true! I believe it’s because I always give God the glory for blessing me in a way that sometimes makes me seem like I have it all together, so when they see me struggling, I think they actually do feel better about themselves. I only share all these embarrassing events in my life, to show myself humble. I don’t always have it all together or am in control. Most times I don’t have much to complain about and still don’t now, I still give God all the glory for showing me the strength I need to go on and do all those things through him. I don’t usually put scripture on, but for me and some of you, Philippians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

 
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Posted by on September 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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